Despite our modern sensibilities, marriage is still the ultimate goal for the vast majority of those who fall in love around the world. At the end of my new romantic suspense novel, The Lair, which takes place in Verona, Italy, two characters get married (not going to tell you which two, you’ll just have to read the book to find out!). To research that scene and the brief lead-in to it, I read up on what makes Italian weddings, well … Italian. I found many traditions that Italians share with other countries around the world, and a number of ways in which they differ from, say, a typical American wedding. Keep in mind that some of these traditions are more prevalent in some parts of the country than in others, and some of the traditions are limited by the budget of the wedding party and guests. Here are just a few:
The proposal. Traditionally in Italy, a prospective groom or suitor (called the pretendente), or someone on his behalf, would ask the bride’s father for her hand. Assuming they reached an agreement, gifts would be exchanged between the families and the groom would give his intended a diamond ring to seal the deal. Interestingly, engagement rings date back to medieval times and are now pretty common in most cultures.
two carat diamond engagement ring
Today a man proposes to a woman directly, but still gives her a diamond ring as a sign of his commitment to the union, and a gold wedding ring during the marriage ceremony. The ring symbolizes infinity (and eternity) while the diamond, some experts say, is supposed to symbolize the “flames of love.” Hmmm.
Engagement, bachelor, and “hen” parties. This isn’t a tradition in Italy; rather the betrothed couple will bring the families together at some point to get to know each other if they aren’t already acquainted.
hope chest courtesy finewoodworking.com
The “hope” chest. As in other cultures, traditional Italian brides gathered items and clothing that they’d need for la dote (literally “dowry”). During wars, these chests, often full of valuable stuff, had to be cleverly hidden to avoid being stolen. Today this practice is less common, although it always helps if both the bride and the groom bring something tangible to the union. Bridal showers are often used today to help the couple set up their new home.
Wedding date and location. Traditionally, the luckiest day to get married was considered Sunday. The ceremony was never held during the religious seasons of Lent or Advent. May wasn’t considered a good month because it was set aside for worship of the Virgin Mary. Moreover, marriage during the month of August was thought to invite bad luck and sickness (some speculate that the latter rule is because so many Italians go on vacation during that month and wouldn’t be able to attend the celebration!). Other traditions hold that you shouldn’t leave for a trip or get married on Tuesdays or Fridays. That belief apparently comes from mythology, since the Italian word martedì (“Tuesday”) stems from Marte, the God of war, and Friday is supposedly the day when evil spirits were created (that makes sense when you think about what happens when one celebrates the end of the work week – TGIF!). Of course, the wedding was virtually always held in a church.
image via Pinterest
For traditional Catholic weddings, a large ribbon was draped across the doorway with a bow to indicate a ceremony was about to take place. It’s said that the slang term for getting married, “tying the knot,” comes from that practice. Today the rules concerning the best time to get married are more pragmatic than superstitious, which means lots of Italians get married on Saturdays.
Pre-wedding superstitions. The groom isn’t supposed to see the bride just prior to the ceremony. In fact, the bride’s not even supposed to look at herself in the mirror until she’s dressed in her wedding gown.
image courtesy aperturaphoto.com
If she absolutely has to check herself out, she must take off an earring, shoe or glove in order to keep the good luck flowing. Chances are she would have spent the night at her parents’ house. It would be fortuitous for her to wear green the day before her wedding, but never anything gold on her actual wedding day (other than her wedding ring).
The wedding dress. In past times, Italian brides wore green to symbolize fertility. Or, if you were a bride in nineteenth century Tuscany, you might wear a black wedding dress and a white hat, and carry a fan, even if you got married in the winter! Today, most Italian brides wear white, except for a trend toward more formal black dresses for some afternoon weddings. It’s also considered an honor to pass a wedding gown down from one generation to the next.
image courtesy youniqueweddingideas.com
The wedding veil. You gotta love this: wearing a veil stems from ancient Rome, when it was used literally to cover the face of the bride. Back then, since most weddings were arranged for reasons other than love and attraction, the veil kept the two parties (who in many cases hadn’t even met) from seeing each other too early and possibly bolting for the exit! When you consider that marriage was a forever proposition, some poor brides and grooms must have had quite a life-changing moment once that veil was lifted! Today the veil is supposed to symbolize purity. Maybe that custom will go by the wayside completely one of these days….
The bridal accessories. Apply the usual “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue …. and a gift.” As in other cultures, the “something new” symbolizes a new beginning; “something old” represents either leaving the past behind, according to some sources, or keeping continuity between past, present and future. “Something borrowed” from a friend or family member shows that loved ones maintain an important role in the married couples’ lives, and “something blue” represents purity, love and fidelity. A gift represents the love others show to the bride.
NEXT TIME: The Ceremony and the Reception
Sources:
http://www.wikihow.com/Plan-a-Traditional-Italian-Wedding
http://www.lifeinitaly.com/weddings/Traditional-Italian-Wedding.asp
http://www.exclusiveitalyweddings.com/
