What does an Authentic Italian Wedding Look Like? (Part Two)

The wedding I include in The Lair is small, family-centered and casual.  But, like everywhere else in the world, Italian weddings vary by size and opulence, depending on the budget and mindset of the bride and groom (and often, their families, whether the couple likes it or not!). Here are a few more elements to a real Italian wedding:

Arriving at the church.  In traditional Catholic weddings, the bride (who hasn’t been seen by the groom, remember) is usually walked down the aisle by her father, who “gives her away” to the groom who (hopefully!) is standing there with his witness, or best man.  In many parts of the country, however, the bride and groom walk to the church together, accompanied by family and friends. The walk is said to symbolize the journey of a marriage.

And now for something completely romantic: in Sicily, the bride would sometimes arrive at the church on horseback, and, with a nighttime ceremony, her way would be lit by torches.  In that part of the country, there would usually be two ceremonies, one civil and one religious.  The groom didn’t consider himself married until the religious rites had occurred.  Hmm, what if something happened to separate the couple between the two ceremonies?  Sounds like the makings for a good historical romance!

No metal detectors, please.  It is traditional for an Italian groom to carry a piece of iron (toc ferro) in his pocket on his wedding day.  The iron is supposed to keep the “evil eye” at bay—an eye that might lead to envy and jealousy on his part.  This could be in response to the sometime practice, in northern provinces, whereby the groom’s buddies try to convince him that his bride isn’t going to show up.  The metal is said to prevent such a dirty low-down trick. Speaking of iron, ancient Romans exchanged small iron rings to seal the union.  In some parts of Italy, those rings are called vera, which means “faithfulness.”

Don’t forget the flowers.  The groom is also tasked with bringing his bride her bouquet.  This is considered his last gift to her as a fiancé before he becomes her husband.  He must purchase them and have the bouquet delivered the morning of the wedding, Chances are the bride has a bit of input into that tradition, you think?! Often the groom will wait on the steps of the church to give her the bouquet.

The more broken glass, the better.  After the ceremony, the bride and groom will traditionally step on or otherwise break a glass or vase.  The number of broken pieces will indicate the number of years they’ll be happily married.  No plastic tumblers allowed for this custom!

How to ensure lots of babies.  Other than the obvious, wedding-goers make sure to shower the newly married couple with rice or paper confetti as they exit the church.  To Italians, confetti means good fortune and money (two elements essential to large families—besides, well, the obvious).

Doves, symbolizing love and happiness, are sometimes released at this time as well. In some regions, the bride and groom stop outside the church to cut a log using a double handled saw.  This signifies that marriage is a partnership.  I like the symbolism, but frankly, I would nix doing lumberjack-type activities in my wedding dress. Not gonna do it or have my heroine do it.

On to the reception.  As in other cultures, Italian weddings have a definite flow to them, whether they’re small or large, formal or casual. The overall goal of any reception, of course, is to shower happiness on the bride and groom. Flowers and ribbons are usually used to decorate the reception area, and a band or DJ is hired to keep the music playing. In some cases, the bride and groom make themselves scarce for the first hour or so, while the guests enjoy cocktails. (I wonder what the giddy couple is doing to pass the time … oh yeah, today they’d be having their pictures taken. Drat!).  When the couple does arrive, along with the other members of the wedding party, they might form a receiving line (more formal) or simply stroll from table to table welcoming their guests. At some point the speeches begin as friends and family members toast the new couple.  You’ll hear lots of shouts of Evviva gli sposi!  which means, “Long live the newlyweds” and Per cent’anni! which means “For one hundred years!” By this point the liquor has usually been flowing and the party is getting into full swing.

Ah, the food.  You know me and my love for Italian food.  I imagine I’d be in heaven if I attended an Italian wedding—that’s if I didn’t burst first from overeating!

The first course is usually antipasto, and depending on the budget, this part alone can make a meal. Stuffed mushrooms, calamari, olives, salami, prosciutto—the usual favorites are served.  But then come salads, pasta, bread, Italian wedding soup, meat entrees, cheeses and fruit. Powdered sugar-coated twists of dough, called wanda, are also part of the tradition, as are pizzelles (little waffle-looking pastries).  They bring good tidings to the couple.  Wine and other beverages, such as limoncello and champagne, round out the menu. Some receptions have been known to serve a dozen courses or more, and the meal can last several hours. As if that weren’t enough, there are enough sweets around to sabotage even the most rock-willed calorie-counter.  Guests can indulge in all sorts of cakes, candies, and pastries, not to mention the wedding cake itself, which is usually white to symbolize “purity.”

Watch those spiders.  Dancing is a big part of Italian weddings, and is officially started with the first dance by the bride and groom. One Italian custom is to dance the “tarantella,” which was supposedly created as a cure for the poisonous bite of a tarantula. (that particular arachnid plays a role in my novel The Lair, but not as part of a wedding celebration, thank heavens).   Other kinds of dancing also takes place, and a common custom is for the bride to wear a small satin bag (la borsa) in which male guests place money, symbolically as payment for a dance.

Hope you didn’t like that tie. At some point in the festivities, the groom’s tie is cut up by one of his groomsmen and the pieces are put in a hat.  The hat is then passed around and guests “purchase” pieces of the tie to pay the band or otherwise help defray wedding costs.  Experts say this is a more modern version of the age-old fate of the bride’s garter. Back in the 14^th century, guests got the idea that having part of a bride’s wedding dress would bring good luck, so the garter was sacrificed to the cause.  However a few centuries later, the single members of the wedding party tended to “take” the garter from the bride, which, as you can imagine, must have led to some unwanted groping.  The groom’s tie now serves the purpose the garter used to.  Brides still wear garters, but today, the tradition is for the groom to remove it and throw it to the single men of the gathering, just as the bride throws the bouquet to the single women.  And—you guessed it—the woman who caught the bouquet must dance with the man who caught the garter. If he asks her to actually wear the garter, that’s supposed to hurry the next romance along (but only if she says yes!).

A bittersweet tradition. Italian couples almost always give away a small party favor to guests to thank them for joining in the celebration.  This consists of a bomboniere, which is a small number of candy-coated almonds in gift sacks or boxes.  The number of almonds is always odd, not even, because the number cannot be divided by two, like a marriage.  Why sugar-coated almonds?  To symbolize both the sweet and slightly bitter aspects of marriage. Italians are romantic, but they’re also realists!

Post-party activity.  The wedding couple usually stays until the end of the party, and will often continue the celebration with close friends after the rest of the guests have gone home.  A very (very) old Italian tradition was to hang the sheet from the wedding night over the balcony the next day to prove the virginity of the bride.  Wonder how often that custom is practiced today?! Many people, whether they are of Italian heritage or not, get married in Italy every year, simply because it is such a romantic country with equally romantic customs.  I’m not sure I would go through the rigors of another wedding, but I sure would love to attend one—especially one with a traditional Italian menu! How about you? Did you have an authentic Italian wedding, and if so, did you include traditions I haven’t mentioned here or in my previous blog post?  I’d love to hear about them.

Sources: http://www.lagazzettaitaliana.com/italian-wedding-traditions.aspx http://www.wikihow.com/Plan-a-Traditional-Italian-Wedding http://www.lifeinitaly.com/weddings/Traditional-Italian-Wedding.asp http://www.exclusiveitalyweddings.com/ http://www.swide.com/art-culture/italian-traditions/an-italian-wedding-the-traditions-to-make-it-last/2013/05/17