Okay, I admit I’m making a weird connection here.
I’m about to apply the five stages of grief to the process of learning social media.
Back in 1969, psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a ground-breaking treatise on what is still an uncomfortable topic for many of us. Her book, On Death and Dying, outlined five universal stages that individuals often go through as death approaches: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Since then, her theory has been used to describe the stages loved ones go through as well as those who are themselves dying. It’s also been used to describe the process of grieving for loss other than death.
Lest you think I’m making light of a very serious topic, let me say I have incredible respect for the grieving process. It’s a phenomenon we all have to go through at some point or another. But as I slog through the transition from traditional forms of communication to the new media, I do find many similarities:
Denial. How many times have you heard people past the age of, say, 45, announce, “Oh, Twitter and all that? I don’t do those … my brain’s too old … it’s way beyond me … you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” etc. As an indie author trying to build a platform in this new publishing age, I can’t afford to say things like that. But even if it didn’t matter whether I embraced social media or not, I’d still feel the need to learn it, simply because saying “I can’t,” or “I’m too old,” is, to me, a sign of … well, getting too old. Yet how tempting it is to say, “I don’t need to waste time learning all that technical stuff. I’ll just write, and if people like my work, they’ll find me.”
Right. I don’t think even the top-rated authors today believe that one anymore.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross
image via Taringa.net
Anger. Just because you know you have to do something, doesn’t mean you have to be happy about it. All of you writers who would rather be writing your next novel/ short story/ memoir/ non-fiction tome than tending to your social media platforms, raise your hands. I thought so. So naturally, we’re going to be cranky about it. The only thing that keeps me from losing my cool sometimes is the mantra, “It’ll get easier, it’ll get easier.” Maybe, someday, I’ll even agree with those optimistic experts who claim, “Handle all your social media marketing in just minutes a day.” Until then, some days (most days?) I’m going to be pissed off that I have to take the time to learn a “necessary evil” that’s not directly related to the work I want to produce.
Bargaining. “Okay, I’ll learn Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest, but not Google + or Tumblr.” “I’ll blog but I won’t bother adding pictures.” “I’ll tweet with pics, but forget about Instagram.” I’m not saying one needs to know every type of media, but the question as to which to use and which to skip should be based on their usefulness, not on whether we “don’t wanna” (read that phrase in a whiny voice). Besides which, technology is changing so fast that the platforms we learned a year ago may be obsolete in two. Thinking in static terms (“I’ve learned all I need to learn”) isn’t going to get us where we need to be.
Depression. Hoo boy. This can sneak up on you. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by how much I don’t know and just want to crawl under the covers and fuggedaboudit. When that happens I try to stop, take a deep breath and tell myself. “You know more today than you did yesterday. You’ll know more tomorrow. Just keep at it and eventually you’ll get the hang of it.”
Acceptance. Ah, the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. To reach a place where we accept the inevitable and even embrace it – that’s where it’s at. To bring it full circle: when my father passed away from Alzheimer’s disease in 2011, I grieved for his loss, but ultimately I felt joy because I knew he didn’t want to be living the life he’d been living in that memory care unit. I’ve not only accepted the fact that he’s gone, but I’m actually happy that he’s free.
Likewise, I’ve accepted the fact that social media is here to stay, it’s necessary for my work, and over time I’m going to get better and better at using it. Not only that, but I am actually starting to enjoy it! The other night I spent a couple of hours looking at photos and drawings on Pinterest that helped capture my thoughts about books I’m beginning to plot and research. I also like to Tweet fun stuff I find. At last I can see why so many people embrace the new communications modalities, and even become addicted to them.
Addiction. That’s a whole other can of worms. I feel another blog post coming on…!
